June 12, 2023

Previous update (May 28, 2023) is here. All poetry is here.

Children

I didn’t want kids.
My thoughts were
”What is the point?
They take lots of effort,
And cost money.
And they will cut into my gym and Xbox time.
And what’s the reward?”
That was in my early twenties.

In my late twenties and early thirties,
My thoughts changed to
”Ok, maybe kids.
A lot of them are annoying,
But a few are cute.
Maybe if we can get a couple of those,
It won’t be so bad.
And maybe I can teach them to play Xbox
So we can play together.
I’ll let my wife decide.”
Not that I was any close to being married.
So I absolved myself of any responsibility
In the decision-making,
Probably just like
How I would have absolved myself
Of responsibility in parenting.

In my mid-thirties,
Something shifted.
Kids became adorable.
Families on their Saturday morning strolls
Started to look whole and wholesome.
Strollers were a welcome sight,
And the tired happiness
On new parents’ faces
Started to make some sense.
Things were confirmed
When I was visiting a friend.
His months-old daughter was on his lap,
Playing with a toy.
He saw me quietly watching and smiling,
And asked if I wanted to hold her.
I squeezed out “No.
She looks very comfortable.
I don’t want to disturb that.”
The real answer was “Yes!
But I have a lump in my throat,
And I will start crying.”